Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
