I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
