I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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