3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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