Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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