We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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