I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
