There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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