i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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