Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
