i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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