You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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