listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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