So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
