Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
