All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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