dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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