We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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