I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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