No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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