I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
