my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
