we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
