sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
