So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
