Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
