i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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