Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
