Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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