every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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