Michael Bay diarrhea
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
