I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
