We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
