just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it hurts more in the daytime
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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