You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
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and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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