My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
