how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
