how can u be prego again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
