but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
