Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
