are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
