Your dad touched me again.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
