he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
