I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
