we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
