This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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