I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Is it penis luge time yet?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
