wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
