let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
