Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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