haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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