I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just cropdusted the office
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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