Are you still at the party or did I leave?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
