I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He passed out mid-signature
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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