I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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