it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
