1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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