Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
