were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
