thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
