If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
