Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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