I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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