shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
