I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
