i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize