I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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