So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
