Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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