ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
