I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
