Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
