Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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