Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
