The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
