when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
