During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
