a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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