Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
