dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
