For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
